Have you ever gone through a whole day saying the words ‘what a day’? You wake up already knowing that the day, that day that should be typical, if boring is going to be anything but, and you find yourself desecrating the day before it even begins just by thinking this is going to be a ‘what a day’? Is our days set in stone, or do we create them? One could argue that since there is an all-knowing God, there is never free will, no such thing as choice and therefore no such thing as fate. Our day, our ‘what a days’ are created long before we are ever born. At least there is an argument for such.
I woke up this morning wondering if I should truly even get out of bed. Never mind that I have a cold and therefore I was breathing all night through my mouth and my tongue was literally sticking to my teeth. Never mind that two nights ago in an attempt to stop the cold I have coming from totally disrupting my life I took a sleeping pill, and then proceed to bust my (you know what) on the bathroom floor; so now my whole left side hurts so much I can barely stand a second in the shower. And certainly never mind that my life is in such a place that living in the dark, under a thousand covers is preferable to even running for my life at this point; that depressive arc will simply not let up.
So I woke up this morning knowing my day was going to be a figurative and literal pain. I had to take my children to a birthday party. And if you know anything about five year old birthday parties you know that, ‘what a days’ originated there. But despite the fact that I do not have a self sacrificing cell in my body, I would never deny my children that experience. Trust me, it isn’t because I am a great mom; it is because sometimes every child deserves a little crazy fun.
Now I am sitting here at the end of my ‘what a day’, my children are crying and throwing fits (a product of the sheer amount of sugar they received today) and wondering if it is too early to head to bed and forget this day ever happened.
Today, I snapped at my children – totally in response to the amount of pain I was in. Today, I didn’t take a nap – totally in response to the fact that I couldn’t take a sleeping pill for time constraints and I couldn’t lie on my side. Today, I didn’t clean the house, although that was my goal – because my left side hurting precludes me from just about any and all forms of exercise. And today, I started looking at the clock before dinner was even served wondering if I could go to sleep because the alternative, was living with the thoughts in my head even for another second.
It was a bad day. And I am not even willing to talk about it at length. (This post seems to have little snippets in it, because I don’t even have the wherewithal to talk about it). Use your imagination, put in your own ‘what a day’; you’ve had them. And wonder if tomorrow you are going to look at this post and have a little smile. (Or roll your eyes because it doesn’t sound anything like you?)
Because you will remember that you have an other in your life that takes the children, and the different burdens off your shoulders as simply as he loves you. Then you will remember that all the things that you snapped at your children about, where really a product of the sugar they ate, and the freedom they feel in being a child. And you will remember that pain heals, colds are cured, and your body will do everything it can to get back on the path it belongs on.
And it doesn’t matter if there is free will, but just the illusion of it. And it doesn’t matter if God already decided your day, your body will still be strong enough to get better; and your heart will again sleep safely at night. Well, until the next ‘what a day’…