At work they are creating a succession plan throughout the organization.  This “plan” is supposed to define the strengths and weaknesses of each of the employees so that everyone can receive the proper training, and become more integral to the whole.  I don’t really mind this. It is ultimately an exercise or an excuse that looks good on paper, but for most employees will just be another duty to perform.

When my boss identified my strengths and weaknesses, I (like everyone else) was momentarily put down.  No one truly wants to recognize that they are human and have foibles, and oftentimes the opinions of others are either so surprising or so strong that it can knock us down.  We want to be liked, we want to be important, most of us even need to be needed.  We may cover it up with sarcasm, with wit and the rolling of our eyes; but it lies within us.  Sometimes not in our profession, but in our personal life the pointing out of weaknesses can be hurtful, as if they are affront to us.

But there is a couple of things to always remember in these situations: 1. no matter what the weakness is, it is perceived by the person judging you. Justice is supposed to be blind, but unfortunately, we are all too human.  Someone sitting in judgement, categorizing your weaknesses is never blind, nor altogether fair.  It simply isn’t possible.  Does it mean that their definition of you is wrong? Maybe, maybe not.  The only certainty is that it is a truth of those giving it, not those receiving it.

Think about the different bosses, or even elders/mentors/teachers that you have had.  Each and every one of them perceives you differently.  They use you differently, and they need you differently.  I once had a boss, a man who had been in the business world for fifty years, tell me I was a “lone wolf”.  I remember those words like he said them yesterday; because he was one of the few who probably hit the nail on the head.  I am not a person who trusts, or even likes to work with others; I am never a team player.  He was right, and I have never forgotten it.  My boss right now states that I am scatter brained.  Maybe, maybe not.  What I do know is that often others complain of his forgetfulness, or even his not honoring promises.  Could he be blaming me for his own weakness?

The other thing to always remember, is that no matter how good you are, you aren’t going to “fix” a weakness in a one hour class.  Sorry.  Taking a class on details or project management and follow through, is not going to fix the underlining problems.  And if you don’t agree with that as being your weakness, you are even less likely to correct it.  Everyone can take a simple true or false test after an hour class and get a good grade, but very few are able to apply the lessons if they don’t care enough to believe in them.

I am never going to worry about being a scatter brain.  Not only do I have evidence on the contrary, but as this is the first person who has believed it, there is probably a different issue that is really at work here.  Maybe apathy?  That is probably the bigger problem; not really caring.  As for the lone wolf, unless I learn to trust someone, that is kind of lost idea as well.  I wasn’t a team player when I was forced to play softball at twelve, and I don’t know that I can change that now.

But the real question is do I want to change it?  That is a harder question.  For me, while I desperately what to give those I love the opportunity to earn and keep my trust, I don’t have a problem with the others in my life, including those in this job.  While I would certainly like to be perceived as perfect, the truth is I am okay with being thought of as scatterbrained.  It is sort of built-in excuse.

I believe in bettering myself; but I believe in bettering myself for those I love.  I have no need to better myself for a job, or a boss, or even a friend.  It is for those that I would lay my life down for, that I will better myself.  For my lone wolf status I will keep trying to find ways not only to trust myself but those I love.  It won’t happen today, nor anytime in the near future. But I have hope.

As for the scatter brain.  Sorry, I will attend your classes but whether it is a time of month thing, or just me and you; that one will be around awhile.