Ever had that feeling? That feeling when the shivers slowly, ever so slowly, go up your spine. Your chin automatically rises, and your shoulders go back. You feel taller; you feel more powerful. The world for that moment is yours and those moments that seem to simply exist to push you down are for that moment no longer a master over you.
These feelings are so powerful and they are so fleeting that our natural instinct is to give to these feelings more weight than they may deserve. It isn’t everyday that we are given a moment such as this and so we hold onto it in some desperation to feel it longer.
It goes away. It always goes away. It takes its moment in the center stage and then leaves us naked in a crowd of expectations. And we are left wondering if it really happened or if it was some sort of dream that the demons that have so much real power of us have teased and tortured us with.
There aren’t many feelings that are comparable to this one. There aren’t many times in our lives that we can say this feels like an everyday, normal occurrence. It is special.
But in spite of this amazing feeling the truth is that it is out of the norm. It does not fit into our world and therefore, in many ways, can’t remain in our world. It is fleeting because it has to be fleeting. We have responsibilities, choices that we have made and a temporary moment of perfection won’t change that.
We are despite our passions, despite our desires, grown ups. We have made our choices and we must live with them. Living with that feeling is for movie stars and fairy tales. It does not apply to us. It cannot stay with us.
When this feeling comes to me I fall in a horrible depression after it has gone. After it has left to join all the other lost dreams and broken promises, you are left with the reality of the world you have created. Life becomes darker, bleaker, and sometimes simply less than we once dreamed it could be.
But this is life. This is the reality we live with. If we could go back maybe we would change it all; but we never get that chance.