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zac-posen-pre-fall-2014-8I have literally been thinking since yesterday’s post about what I am going to write today. I do that. Write the whole post and all the incredible words of inspiration that I have in my mind while laying in bed or simply staring at someone as they attempt to speak to me about their day. And then as you can imagine, I promptly forget the whole thing and move to the next thought.

But the truth is, for the most part I am rather boring. And while over the last twelve hours I have written about four posts in my head and even this morning opened the program to write one of them down, I am still boring.

Do I want to write about the small capitalist community who in the beginning of the 20th century began to create socialist programs and a socialist society in order to convince the mass labor classes that they had no need to revolt? Nope.

Should I write about Zac Posen’s new line of dresses that make me think the term ‘making an entrance’ should be reinvented? Or how I really wish that I had three hundred dollars to buy a 1950s inspired dress that is literally designed for my figure? And why exactly are dresses based on the 1950s style so expensive? Its still cloth and thread! Don’t want to write about this either.

What about the fact that despite the knowledge that I have paid pretty faithfully on most of my credit cards in 2014, my calculations are still showing that I will not be completely out of debt for another five years? I actually think my calculations in the beginning of 2014 showed 2018 as my end date; which today has been pushed out to 2020. Really, really don’t want to explore the answer to this question as I actually already know it.

Or what about the fact that every afternoon these days some random gland that lives in my throat swells until I can’t touch my neck without discomfort or even wear certain clothing? How about we talk about the fact that my face and its acne has literally gone crazy, my hair and skin has become brittle, and no matter what I do I have gained weight? Lots of weight. And then there is the menstrual cycle being affected…Nope, let’s just skip this one.

There is always the safety to be found in talking about the weather. Of course, this presumes that you live in the same zip code as I do or even the same country as I do. Rather a difficult assumption that should probably be saved for parties that are dying slowly and conference rooms where you desire to look stellar but actually come across as another peon in the wheel.

I suppose I could talk about my children, but to be truthful – I don’t really like to do that so much. I don’t like to have out there something they could read about themselves and I don’t like to interest others in the idea of my children. My husband says I am paranoid; honestly, I would just rather blind the whole world.  Probably shouldn’t talk about that.

I am again getting the feeling that my life is the boring routine that I have come to understand is not normal but rather simply my brain on drugs.  Speaking of my brain on drugs, I could talk about all the new drugs that my doctors have put me on. But then, like the information about my other health concerns I don’t really care today, so how can I ever expect others to?

I wrote two full length books; one fiction and one non-fiction. I have no money to edit the books – see paragraph regarding my credit cards, so I have no way of introducing them to you and beginning the promoting process so that I can instantly and without effort become the next J.K. Rowlings. Much like the rest of my life they seem to be in limbo until I find the ways and means to change; this is the sorry state that I currently find myself in.

So this is the day I am having. The day of cold and dreary weather, when I can’t find it in me to write either a moving dissertation about socialism, nor a factual accounting of credit card debt and what it really means in our society, or my incredible kids or my health, or the books that I have written. So today my post is about absolutely nothing.

And I will consider it a great achievement when tomorrow comes with all its promise.