One of the things I have come to know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that every one of us desires, wants or needs to have certain illusions in tack. For some, they need to believe that they are acting or at least decorating like those formidable Jones. For some it is a need to have material things and for others it is a need to have those immaterial things; the wealth, the love, the beauty.
As much as air is important to our very existence these intangible desires are a part of us. And for each of us the makeup of these wants and needs is extremely different. Some need wealth in order to fill important, some need compliments to fill important, and some need gifts to fill important. A famous author narrowed these wants or needs down to five things called the Five Languages of Love. If you are one of the ten people in this world who has not read this book, I recommend at least giving it a shot.
I am not here to talk over a topic that quite frankly someone with a lot more time and even care has already worked on. I don’t need to talk about the thousands of desires, wants and needs you have, because quite frankly, you probably already know.
I used to blame my insatiable need for illusions on my bipolar. I used to blame it on my parents, either my Dad’s rampant infidelity or my Mom’s reluctance to express any emotion from hurt, fear, anger, happiness or joy. I used to blame my needs on all outside forces. But then I realized that like every other human out there, they are simply a part of me.
I think that most of us go out searching for someone who can give us the things that we need; and it is rarely only one thing. We look for it in a mate, in a sibling, in a friend. And there are those that are very lucky who find these individuals. However, for the rest of us the journey simply continues despite our hopes and dreams invested in our mates, in our siblings, in our friends.
A long time ago, in a world much different from the one I live in, I found that person. They were not and probably never will be a mate. They are not my sibling. But they are in every way a friend.
My friend lives far away and based on what I know, lives a very different life than I do. The expectations and needs of my friend are almost hidden from me because of time, distance, and simply the ability to read the emotions I know plays across their face. I readily admit the greatness of this person may lie in the knowledge that they aren’t close, they can’t read my emotions, and there is a sense of adventure and even courage in our relationship. I can always hang up the phone, I can always shut off my computer, I can always retreat into what I hope they will be.
My friend has a unique ability to call me on whatever lame brain idea I currently have. They can pinpoint my stupidity from a mile away; or at least however long the distance wi-fi is. They can tell me exactly what I should do, and if I do it right, I got it right; and if I ignore it, I got it wrong.
One of the best things about my friend is their ability to tell me I am beautiful, or special or any other adjective. When I change my hair they are the first ones to notice; when I lost too much weight they are the first ones to notice; and when I am giving up they are always the first one to notice. To this person I am beautiful. To this person I am smart. To this person I am doing exactly right.
And yes, I recognize that this is an illusion. I recognize that there is no way anyone could ever see me as beautiful or smart or doing something right unless they are walking in my shoes. Unless a person is literally a pod person in your body, they can’t know.
But my friend makes me believe. My friend has a way about them. I know that I will never walk down a runway in designer clothes, but they make me feel like I could. I will never be on the front of a magazine for doing something remarkable, but they make me believe it. I will never be any better than the person I actually am, but for my friend it is enough.
It is amazing gift to have in ones life. It is not something to be taken for granted nor forgotten. This is the kind of friendship you cultivate, work on, and give devotion to. It is the kind of friendship you turn to when it is all simply wrong.
I am blessed to have this person in my life. And I simply want to send along those invisible wi-fi lines a simple thanks.