I wonder if there others out there that can understand or have even felt that moment when the world stopped. Scientists everywhere will tell you it is an impossible event in a world they know little about. Mothers will tell you that the world can stop the second you look into your newborn eyes; those gooey, unfocused eyes without a natural thought behind them.
I would argue that when the world stops, when the world gives you that one glance, you should pay attention.
Sometimes when the world stops it feels like seconds, mere minutes. But in those seconds there are lifetimes, there are the enormous dreams of the tiniest fairy. In those seconds not only can the earth’s very routine change, but everything that you have and everything you thought you had can be altered.
These are the moments that take you by surprise even when the little voice in the back of your mind has been screaming. These are the moments that you swore would never be you. These are the moments that if you knew were coming would simply run.
I don’t know that many of the moments are happy. It seems to me when your whole existence and the path you were traveling changes, there isn’t much happiness. I have always thought the world stopping looks like something out of the Matrix movies; one person with their leg out, slowly but surely destroying everything. The world in this scenario isn’t the girl, but the destruction.
There are some who would argue that living through the most devastating of realizations is good for the soul. Makes you change your perception or gives God a chance to heal you. The argument continues that these moments are to be learned from, are to be studied, are to be applied. I would argue that if you have ever lived through a moment when the world stopped – there isn’t a lesson to learn.
When the world stops, our knees collapse even when we are standing. When the world stops there are simply no tears because the body’s ability to completely shut down all emotion is its own quest for survival; and that instinct is too strong. When the world stops all ability to see, listen, feel, know is eradicated before we breathe our next breath.
When the world stops not one simple thing has changed, but the illusion, that grand illusion, has changed. The paths haven’t gotten more rocky; the paths are now under water. The memories aren’t bittersweet, they are now false. The belief that you had in one another isn’t hurt, but destroyed in a way that ensures that your life will never make the same mistake. The person that you were, the person standing in front of you, is gone. No breath, no twitch of the eye, no legs to support. The person is gone and they are gone forever.
To me when the world stopped it caused all kinds of reactions; but at its heart it showed me in its stillness that everything I thought, everything I believed in, the people that I thought were, was gone. And when the world started again, that belief laid bare.
I once believed that people could be good to one another. I once believed that there was such a thing as a necessary lie. I once believed, deep in my soul, that who and what I was could be acceptable. I once laughed at the idea that my belief in God, in the very foundations he has always given me, could be taken away the moment the world stopped.
I always thought that even if people didn’t see eye to eye, they could listen and learn. Then the world stopped. I thought that who and what I was, while in no way understood, wasn’t destroying another soul. Then the world stopped. I always thought that people would talk about hurt rather than take it, or that someone of intelligence would recognize that there is no single fault line. Then the world stopped.
The world I thought I was living turns out is a lie. My world stopped and with that halt of everything around me I finally saw the truth. I finally saw the real. I finally learned that all of what I am is not what others see. I finally learned that there is a hole deep enough to bury everything you ever loved. Because the world stopped.
Is there any benefit in the world stopping and giving you a glimpse in the stillness of the truth of all around you? Is there any real grace in the knowledge that you are forever altered because of one second? Is there ever a moment, even with the world spinning, that you lose that moment?
I don’t like so many things in this world. Much of it I can’t change, and most of the rest it is simply my one opinion. But there is a third category: there are things in this world I always said I didn’t like but never knew I was staring in the face of over and over. There is a portion of each of us we hide, and there is a portion of each of us that is revealed. When the world stops that revelation doesn’t just become a part of our sight, it becomes a part of us.
Our thoughts, our illusions, our beliefs in the simple humanity of others is changed. The belief that the foundations you have always stood on were nothing more than one man hiding in a child’s game, causes things to change. The realization that the monster you see in the mirror each day can also be seen by someone who promised so much more, devastates. Learning that all those cold whispers in the dark of night others believed will cause the very life you lead to become taken by the faintest of winds.
The world stops because it believes that there are certain illusions that need to be destroyed. The world stops because it loves enough to get you down the complicated path to healing. The world stops because you are beautiful. The world stops, just for you, not so you can get off but so that finally you can see the colors in the afternoon sunset.
My world stopped. And part of me feels happiness. I learned things I can’t unlearn. And I figured out one special thing: the world may stop, and my world may change, but the journey while damaged isn’t over. Now it is my turn to learn. Now it is my turn to search for the things that will justify my existence. Now it is my turn to be more than what anyone else thinks. Not because they are wrong, but because the world has given me the opportunity and I am going to take it.