The whole idea of starting a section on my blog dedicated to the things that I find to be helpful, little tricks in my bag, started when I tried to do video blog on a social media site because I don’t always have these long, emotional posts to write. The key word here is tried. I shot the video outside but I couldn’t figure out how to get the traffic and bird sounds from drowning out my words. Then I couldn’t figure out how to edit the thing; how to pause so I could get to another idea or even how to make it look like I wasn’t ending the video by reaching out to the phone. I didn’t know how to create a great backdrop and I didn’t know how to talk fast enough but clear enough to get my message across. I truly thought about taking a class or reading a book, but when I started to look into it, it seemed all technical and not my cup of tea.

I am not an influencer; I don’t look good on camera and refuse to buy thousands of dollars of makeup for one little segment. I am wordy, and I don’t want my message to get lost in the drive to say everything before the timer goes off; too much pressure. The whole thing was a failure, but as they say, it was also a learning lesson for me. I am a writer and I should probably just stick with that.

The first video I made was actually about the topic I am going to write today – the doctors that you must, without fail, have in your life if you want to be successful with your mental illness. While there is no cure for mental illness, there is always things you can do to mitigate the episodes, the side effects, the general misery of these diseases. Not one thing is the answer. Instead, you have to find for yourself the combination of things that work for you. I will say it again, what works for me, might not work for you. Don’t look at these self posts as instructions but rather idea prompters; like journal prompts.

There is however, one post (this one) that is actually important, and something you need to follow to the letter. I know that I am going against everything I always say about finding your own way, but not with this one. This one is set in stone.

If one of my beauty tips don’t work, figure out something that will. If you don’t like something that I love and helps me get through my day, there is nothing wrong with that. These mental illnesses are strangely different for each of us; thankfully, cancer and viruses such as covid can usually be ‘cured’ by known remedies. It just doesn’t work that way for those of us with mental illness. But there are certain things that you should, possibly even must do, and this post is one of them.

In the battle against your mental illness you need specific, undeniable, things. In this case, it is people. You need doctors that you can call at a moment’s notice. You need doctors that you can trust to treat you and your symptoms. You need doctors that are available not only in person, some sort of virtual platform, by email, or even text. I wish this wasn’t true. I wish that you could just go to an urgent-care anytime that you wish; but the truth is you need doctors that know you. They know the medications that you are taking, they know you comfort zone; and they need to know what is happening not only with your mental health but your whole health.

If you work to develop relationships with these doctors, you won’t have to worry about spending thirty minutes on an intake form when you can barely get it together. If you develop relationships with these doctors they will know your boundaries, what you are looking for, and if and when you are actually in trouble. They are a defensive line protecting their quarterback. Because one thing that can’t be denied in these mental health journeys is simple: if you don’t feel physically good, if you don’t have the right medications, if you can’t access your medications, your mental health will suffer. There are thousands of things that can affect someone’s state of mind; your health should be placed at the top of that list.

First, you need a general physician. This is typically what we would call a family physician. Maybe they work at a large practice or a small one. But they have some key advantages for you, once you have established a relationship with them. The most important thing you will ascertain is that your family physician treats mentally ill patients. One of the worst moments of my life, that I can never forgive, was going to a family physician and not even being seen. The nurse I did see dismissed my symptoms as withdrawal symptoms from either my medications or drugs (it was not). This family physician truly believed, I would learn, that all mentally ill patients lied. He wouldn’t see me because I happened to have a disease that he didn’t want to deal with and he refused to proscribe me medications for any problems I was having. I was absolutely humiliated; and to this day, every time I see a new physician, I always ask upfront if they treat those with mental illnesses. (By the way, I had an ear infection which was mimicking the symptoms of the withdrawal and because I couldn’t go see another a doctor for weeks because of the sheer humiliation I felt, it got so bad I almost lost my hearing.) You need to know that the doctor you are seeing for a simple cold, the flu, or a pain in your body will listen to you and not dismiss you because you have a disease that isn’t your fault for having.

On top of that, a general physician who knows the medications that you are on, can make sure that there are no drug interactions. Believe it or not, most medications not only have side effects but can dramatically change your own body’s composition when paired incorrectly. Every woman knows that birth control and antibiotics don’t work together; if you forget, you can easily have a unplanned pregnancy. While I don’t know any mental health medications that combined with another drug will get you pregnant, there can be other serious side effects that can lead to problems much greater than the original problem you had. Family physicians can be prepared for this, know to look for these interactions, and help you with the basic health issues we all have (even the most healthy among us). You don’t want to let the flu get to the point where it affects your mental health. Because while you may eventually get through the flu, oftentimes the repercussions from the undiagnosed or untreated condition can last much, much longer. Find someone you like. Find someone you know. And find someone you can see without waiting three weeks.

The second doctor you need is a therapist. This person doesn’t actually have to have a doctorate behind their name, but as they are in the same family, I am counting them here. I don’t care if you are manic, depressed, or having a mixed episode; you need a therapist. I don’t care if you are doing better than you ever have; you need a therapist. I don’t care if there are times you go into that office and talk about this week’s grocery list; you need a therapist. It doesn’t matter if you go once a week, once a month, once a quarter; you need a trusted therapist. And here is the kicker, like your family physician you need someone you can trust. I was abused by a therapist many, many years ago. But I was too young and completely unable to articulate that to anyone. I kept going because my loved ones thought I needed one. I didn’t allow that abuse but I didn’t get up and say nasty words and walk away either. Besides the fact that she was diabolical in that abuse, I didn’t have the guts. By the time I realized what was happening, I felt stuck and she made me feel that way. So if you don’t like a therapist, if you don’t get a good feeling about a therapist, or you just don’t like the way the therapist styles her hair, walk away and find another.

I have been seeing the same therapist for years, but it wasn’t easy getting to her. There is an incredible lack of qualified professionals out there and searching for one can be defeating, to say the least. I had one therapist who spent my whole first appointment yelling at me about the dangers of marijuana and mental health; I didn’t go back. It can takes months to get an appointment to see a therapist so my advice would be do some research, find three you think might fit, and make appointments with all of them. Usually, as long as you adhere to their cancelation policies, you can shop around. Waiting to see a therapist is frustrating especially when you are in a negative head space. So don’t wait, get one even if you are feeling like everything in life smells like roses. You need them.

Therapists are neutral party, or at least, they should act like one. They don’t know you. They don’t know your disease, they don’t know your family, and they don’t know your circumstances; at least, until you tell them. There are no rules about what you have to share with them and what you can just keep to yourself (although the more they know…). There are no rules about specific times or weeks you need to see them. But there are ironclad rules about what they can and cannot do. They can’t call up your partner and tell them your secrets. They can’t tell your mother even if she demands to know. They can’t talk to you with your other doctors or even other patients. They can’t even mention you in a study unless they follow very specific guidelines. They are safe. Your secrets are safe with them. And after going to different therapists for years, I can honestly state, they have heard it all – nothing you say is going to shock them or cause them to get up and demand an ambulance for you. Therapy is so important. And like I said, if one week all you have to talk about is your grocery list, go anyway. Go anyway.

After this many years with the same therapist, she can literally open the door, see my face and know exactly how I am doing. I very, very rarely catch her off guard. And truthfully, she can often make me think about things, or at least look at things, differently. Sometimes I hate to give her the credit, but I am feeling generous today, and can state that my days are better because of her. I wouldn’t change her and how she deals with me, for anything. I trust her and I don’t trust much of anything.

The third doctor you need (and this person needs to have some extra initials behind their name), is a psychiatrist. These doctors don’t often offer counseling sessions, that is what a therapist is for. These doctors prescribe your mental health medications. You may ask why a general physician can’t do this, and the truth is that most family doctors can prescribe those medications but the difference lies in the specialty. You wouldn’t go to a family doctor for a heart disease; don’t go to a family doctor for mental health medications. Psychiatrists know not only the newest, most promising drugs on the market, but they often know the side effects of these medications. I have horrible digestive issues. Having a medication whose main side effect is nausea or constipation, isn’t the best choice for me; a psychiatrist is going to know this. They study these drugs and they prescribe these drugs. By prescribing only these kind of drugs they hear from patients exactly what the pros and cons of these powerful drugs are, before you ever enter the room.

Most importantly, psychiatrists often have a team of people who can make sure you get your medicine on time and refilled. They have dedicated lines (or emails in my case) that you can simply utilize when one of your medications runs out of refills before you see them again. They know how to navigate most of the major pharmacies in your city, and they work with them on a daily basis. Most of these appointments last less than thirty minutes, but all you need from them is a check-in on how you are doing with the medications your currently on and if you need either something stronger or something less than what you are taking. Look for psychiatrists in a large practice; this makes it easier if the doctor moves on to another practice. You can simply switch doctors and your records are easily transferred. And since all you are doing is managing the medications (which we all normally take for years) this is fine. I have had more psychiatrists then I have had therapists and family doctors combined.

Last, but not least, is your pharmacist. Here I am not actually talking about a specific person but rather a pharmacy that you can trust. You need to be able to get your medication on time, when it is timed to be filled. You need a pharmacy that sends requests to your psychiatrist and gets responses in a timely manner. You need a pharmacy that can remind you to use the discount cards like GoodRx. You need a pharmacy that is open at hours that are convenient to you. And you need a pharmacy that isn’t going to give you the wrong medications, the wrong dosages, or hold up a medication because they have to order it from another source. This one is probably the easiest to find and you don’t necessarily need a relationship with anyone at the pharmacy. (I, personally, have a name that is hard to forget; so no matter where I go people will remember me.)

The only other thing I would say about a pharmacy, is make sure that you know what hours it is easiest to get your medications; not just when they are open. At my pharmacy the hours after lunch but before five is the best time to go. Knowing this will lessen the anxiety or help you when you simply can’t stand the world. But like I said, this one is probably the easiest to find. So happy hunting.

I told you at the beginning I tried to put this in a social media video but I am too long winded. The truth of the matter is that these four doctors are essential to your health. Without them not only are you making your life more difficult than it needs to be, but you are compromising on that health. Those of us with mental illnesses have so many things we have to overcome, conquer, deal with, handle, come to terms with, that we don’t also need to be stressed about the doctors that are there simply to take care of us. I often counsel first-timers (those who have just been diagnosed) and their parents to find these four doctors before they do much of anything else. Often, I have to explain why, but I don’t mind – because I know that without these doctors I wouldn’t be sitting here today. And I probably would be deaf on top of it.

It is a journey to find someone you can trust (and hopefully, like). But take the time, even with all the frustrations that you no doubt are doing to have. If you prefer an online therapist, so be it. If you prefer a mom-and-pop drug store, so be it. If you prefer to try and find a family doctor that is not visited by the rest of your family, go for it. It doesn’t matter how you find them, where you find, or even how you determine when to see them – just make sure that you have already established a relationship of some sort with each of them before the world drops beneath your feet. And every mentally ill patient will have the world drop off beneath their feet at some point; possibly at many points.