The Mental Disease

There is no cure for the mind. It is a vast ocean of discontent and strange purple elephants. It is the thing that builds us, destroys us, and takes us on journey unlike any life can offer.  The diseases that ravage the mind are not understood, nor are they ever sane. They are a combination of everything good and evil that this world has to offer, and all we can do is close our eyes in the darkness and seek the light.

The Original Posts – The Mental Disease

December 2019 – The Understanding of My Time

December 2019 – A Demand for Yourself

November 2019 –Light and The Journey

November 2019 – The Obstacle and The Path

October 2019 – A Way Out of My Norm

October 2019 – Done for the Day

October 2019 – Truly, Madly, Sickly

October 2019 – Something About the Somethings

October 2019 – The Problem Child

August 2019 – Trying to Hope

August 2019 – Through The Mirror

August 2019 – Don’t Cry, Don’t Cry, Don’t…

July 2019 – Walk Through The Door

July 2019 – Walk Through The Door

July 2019 – One Decision, A Million Consequences

July 2019 – Misery From All Directions

Okay, That’s Just Ridiculous – Originally Posted November 2015

speak-up-with-everyone-against-youI spent today doing my normal chores and adding in the once a week and once a month, and even the once in a blue moon chores as well. So while now my house is clean and my car smells nice there is once again little for me to say. I took a nap and once again experienced cognitive dreaming, but other than that my life is in either a really high state so that I have nothing to write or I am in the dreaded writer’s block.

Find A Spot – Originally Posted April 2015

7a537a47348cf62693f2fe6291961947I am not a very smart person. I don’t have degrees and initials after my name and I have never had to write a dissertation on a topic that I have no interest in. I live in many ways a very simple life.  I live in patterns; over and over again the same feelings, the same frustrations, the same moments of impotency rears its ugly face. I don’t change my behavior day to day anymore than my disease allows me to be the outwardly same person day to day. Despite the world’s fascination with a disease that they can’t understand, for the most part I understand all to well.

The Joys of Being Upside Down – Originally Posted January 2015

tumblr_m6uyptZdse1r312swo1_500Being bipolar has its moments I suppose. There is a certain joy in being what we in the business call high as a kite because those are the days that I can literally fly to the moon and back. They are the days that I am present. They are the days the house gets spring cleaned and the children get a mother that is engaged. They are the days my husband gets some loving. CONTINUE READING…


A Child Disappears – Originally Posted February 2013

storytelling-photographyHave you ever had an urge? An urge for chocolate, for cigarettes, for that one sip of alcohol?  Have you ever lived with that urge until it began to consume your mental thoughts?  You become in such need of that rich, sweet, taste of chocolate that nothing, I mean literally nothing will do but to find that exact taste. CONTINUED READING…

carnavilA Traveling Carnival – Originally Posted January 2013

I am having a bad day.  And strangely it has nothing to do with the disease.  I am having a normal bad day; bank account looking scary, child forgot book bag, boss on my ass.  Such normal sucky things, that I find for the most kind of reassuring.  It means that my act, my desire to appear normal may be working. CONTINUE READING…

blissThe Illusion of Bliss – Originally Posted November 2012

My husband asked me last night if I would enjoy going away into the woods for a couple of months, and have a chance to stop take my meds for a while.  My violent and somewhat immediate response was, no.  (HELL NO!!! – was what it really sounded like) CONTINUE READING…

Forgiveness in Our Finale – Originally Posted December 2012

I have been born, I have a body and I have died.  I have lived a life of repentance and sorrow, and I have never asked for forgiveness. There are certain things in this world that cannot be forgiven, and those that have committed such crimes against their own soul will find it hard to find forgiveness.  There are times when we must accept that actions we have committed in the name of all that is vain, cannot be forgiven by a simple man dying on a cross. CONTINUE READING…

burden2Burdens on The Shoulders – Originally Posted December 2012

I learned something about myself this weekend.  It could be that by talking about some of the issues that I struggle with through this blog, I am able to make room for some of the more profound truths that I must struggle with.  Like any disease, these mental diseases cause a vast amount of struggle that destroys the natural energy our souls use to exist.  CONTINUE READING…

burdenA Burden of Truth – Originally Posted November 2012

This disease has many facets; many different turns and functions that at times are interesting but for the most part are just exhausting.  I suffer through the reality of bi-polar each and everyday, and I deal with it in the only way I know how. CONTINUE READING…

Other Readings

Misery From All Directions – July 2019

Justifying What is True – July 2019

The Bravery That Destroys – July 2019

Balance – July 2019

Respecting My Own – July 2019

Fear, Exhaustion, and Desire – February 2019

The Discarded Kitchen – January 2019

Broken Edges – January 2019

Being Better Then Me – November 2018

Diving Into Emotional Chaos – November 2018

A Perfect Daydream – October 2018

Being Treated – August 2018

The Record – June 2018

Off The Rails – May 2018

Watching Them – May 2018

The Diagnosis – May 2018

And The Wind Blows – May 2018

And Sometimes, You Fail – May 2018

Death by Circumstances – April 2018

FINALLY!!! – March 2018

Accept The Delusions – January 2018

Severe Damage – January 2018

Swings On a Playground – December 2017

Hiding in Your Sight – December 2017

Batteries are Dead – May 2017

Understanding The Grey – May 2017

Dear Grandma, – April 2017

Blind Spot – March 2017

Writing the Insane – March 2017

Battles of Note – March 2017

Wavy Waverings – February 2017

Hope – February 2017

Power of Darkness – January 2017

I Rise, I Fall – January 2017

Trusting Doc – January 2017

Once You Got It – January 2017

Is It Necessary? – January 2017

Conflicting Bindings – January 2017

Not Yet; Not There Yet – January 2017

That Gleaming Steel Knife – November 2016

I Stepped in Poop – October 2016

Permission To Destroy My Own Self – September 2016

Man Versus Disease – September 2016

Because of Them – September 2016

Learning More – September 2016

The Kinfolk – August 2016

The Savior of Normal – July 2016

Assimilating Differences – July 2016

An Invisible Mind – July 2016

Giving Up on Hope Slowly – July 2016

Thorns In Your Hand – July 2016

Dancing For The Red Flag – July 2016

A Mother’s Intelligence – June 2016

Rejection Projections – June 2016

The Protection of Pillows – June 2016

Doctor Who the What? – June 2016

My Own Island – May 2016

Unprepared Abyss of Reality – May 2016

Understanding Shame – May 2016

The Truth’s Real Ache – May 2016

The Next Day – April 2016

Inept – April 2016

Madness of Motherhood – April 2016

Imaginary Friends – April 2016

Before the Purpose – April 2016

Sick in More Than the Mind – March 2016

Missing My Emotion – March 2016

The Selfish Within – February 2016

Reality Versus Hope – February 2016

Just Blame the Parents  – January 2016

A Will To Survive – January 2016

Losing – January 2016

The Hell of Starbucks – January 2016

Becoming Something – January 2016

Defining Oneself – December 2015

Eternal Essence – December 2015

Hold On – November 2015

Journeys to the Open – November 2015

Okay, That’s Just Ridiculous – November 2015

A Little Loss – November 2015

Processed Homework – November 2015

What Happens Next? – November 2015

Fear & Misunderstandings – October 2015

Other Side of the Coin – October 2015

Dear Interested – October 2015

A Time For Everything – October 2015

At What Point? – October 2015

Explain, Please – October 2015

Around the Bend – September 2015

Under Construction – September 2015

The Grave Digger – September 2015

Valhalla – September 2015

Being Solved – September 2015

Flat-Lining – September 2015

Cut Off Hands – September 2015

The Simplicity of Commonality – September 2015

Think Negative – August 2015

Today I Am A Little Sicker – August 2015

The Pieces That Makes Us Alright – August 2015

Buildings in the Dirt – August 2015

Simply Needing – August 2015

Only a Psalm – August 2015

The Next Step – July 2015

The Most Powerful Force This World Has Ever Seen – July 2015

My Soul Is On Fire – July 2015

Do We Kneel or Do We Walk? – July 2015

Well, It Ain’t That – June 2015

The Greatest and Most Sublime Tragedy of Life – June 2015

Harry & Sally – June 2015

The Hope of Suicide – June 2015

What Cost Happiness? – May 2015

I Know and I Don’t Know – May 2015

Tomorrow – May 2015

Tomorrow I Won’t Be Here – May 2015

And the World Stopped – May 2015

There Once Was A Girl – May 2015

Cigarette, Drink, Wall – April 2015

The Unfair Pattern – April 2015

A Little Girl Learns – April 2015

The Two Faces of Therapy – April 2015

The Emptiness of Reality – April 2015

Is It Over Yet? – April 2015

Responding to Screams – April 2015

Why Are You Here? – April 2015

No Title Needed – April 2015

The Blue Handkerchief – March 2015

One Order of Darkness, Please – March 2015

Bigger Than Strength – March 2015

The Voices in the Surroundings – March 2015

And He Threw Me This – February 2015

Barely Holding On – February 2015

Ahh, The Blahs – January 2015

Straight Back Chairs – Originally Posted November 2014

That Feeling – Originally Posted November 2014

Today’s Selfishness – Originally Posted June 2014

Feeding the Demons – Originally Posted May 2014

Sneaky Little Suckers – Originally Posted March 2014

Finding Silence – Originally Posted November 2013

The Rocky Roads – Originally Posted October 2013

Angels Standing By – Originally Posted October 2013

Think Again – Originally Posted September 2013

The Voices of the Past – Originally Posted September 2013

Flying Like Fairies – Originally Posted September 2013

Life Lessons – Originally Posted September 2013

Flying to Close to The Sun – Originally Posted August 2013

Exhaustion – Originally Posted August 2013

Glimpses of the Sun – Originally Posted August 2013

Signs of the Times – Originally Posted August 2013

Cerebus’ Greetings – Originally Posted August 2013

The Blanket in The Sky – Originally Posted July 2013

16 Equals 160 – Originally Posted July 2013

Bits and Pieces – Originally Posted July 2013

And the Pain Just Keeps Coming – Originally Posted July 2013

An Op Ed – Originally Posted June 2013

Fear’s Intimidation – Originally Posted May 2013

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall – Originally Posted May 2013

World of Nothing – Originally Posted May 2013

Mother Teresa, I’m Not – Originally Posted May 2013

Shadows Dancing – Originally Posted May 2013

Where am I? – Originally Posted April 2013

Finding the True Enemy – Originally Posted April 2013

Pretty Necklaces – Originally Posted April 2013

Sorry, I have a Disease – Originally Posted April 2013

What If? – Originally Posted April 2013

The Second Act – Originally Posted April 2013

The Expectation of A Child’s World – Originally Posted April 2013

Burdened Feet – Originally Posted March 2013

My Life is A Horror Movie – Originally Posted March 2013

A Taste of Freedom – Originally Posted March 2013

Opening The Last Door – Originally Posted March 2013

Nasty, Nasty, Mood – Originally Posted March 2013

Reconciling Visions – Originally Posted March 2013

A Desperation for Escape – Originally Posted February 2013

Sigmund Freud’s Schizophrenia – Originally Posted in February 2013

The Other Not Quite Valentine – Originally Posted in February 2013

That Changing Reality – Originally Posted in February 2013

Birthday in the Dark – Originally Posted in February 2013

Today is Down – Originally Posted in February 2013

Something Beyond – Originally Posted in January 2013

Needing Darkness – Originally Posted in January 2013

Hide in the Dark – Originally Posted in January 2013

I Passed, Nope I Failed – Originally Posted in January 2013

The Pebble – Originally Posted in January 2013

The Alternative – Originally Posted December 2012

I Rather Have a Pap! – Originally Posted December 2012

Baby, You Lie! – Originally Posted December 2012

Lady of My World – Originally Posted December 2012

Goodnight, Moon – Originally Posted December 2012

Common World of Reality Lost – Originally Posted November 2012

Prepare for Death… – Originally Posted November 2012

The Power of Touch – Originally Posted November 2012

An Obligation versus A Fear – Originally Posted November 2012

Seeking Rest – Originally Posted November 2012

The Harsh Light – Originally Posted November 2012

The Peace of Writing – Originally Posted November 2012

A Rainy Day in Georgia – Originally Posted November 2012

The Attacks From Everywhere – Originally Posted October 2012

Forgive Me, Oh God – Originally Posted October 2012

Smoking Through My Tears – Originally Posted October 2012

The Journey – Orignally Posted October 2012

A Safe Truth – Originally Posted October 2012

Cathedrals of the Mind – Originally Posted October 2012

A Bi-Polar’s Self-Help – Originally Posted October 2012

Side Effects – Orginally Posted October 2012

The Skeleton Walks Again – Originally Posted November 2012

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