I often question God in my life. I imagine it stems from my need to reconcile the horrific things that have happened to me with the loving image that is often presented. I wonder if God is proud of me in all my ego-centric, morbid, crying, whining and daily renditions of absolute ridiculousness? Can He be proud of a woman who honestly questions the very life he has given me?
I was asked just the other day that often repeated question on blogs: Where do you get your inspiration from? My answer was immediate. My children, my parents, my sister, my husband, books, television, everything and anything can bring me inspiration. And despite the very blase answer, I realized an important truth; while scoring the world for answers to questions that while should be asked, may not have any answers, I have completely forgotten that everything around me is inspirational.
Maybe God created this world, and quite possibly he gave me this disease. I can question it all day, but the truth remains that God probably created this world, and He probably created this disease in me. I think it is important to ask the question, but I also think it is important to accept the possible answers.
This world that God has placed me in is, for the most part, quite dreadful. I don’t particulary like most of it, although I live in it on a daily basis. I don’t particulary need a rainbow each day, but it sure would be nice to see one. I don’t need perfection, but I do need inspiration.
For that is what this all comes down to; inspiration. God has probably f-ed all of us over, it is true no matter how you want to reconcile yourself to it. But quite possibly he also gave us a child’s laughter, a Aria belted out by the greatest Tenor of our time, or even a simple rainbow, half formed, and even a little pathetic.
There are thousands of adages that probably would work here, but I like Here Come the Daisies! I say bypass the roses, and find the daisies. Find the little bits of inspiration that are not easily presented to us, but nevertheless are there. Find the little bits of beauty that someone somewhere sends to us when quite frankly we probably don’t deserve it. Find the little bits of happiness that somehow will keep us all going for one moment more.